Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
