Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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