He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
