Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i've created a new STD.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
