Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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