Ketchup is God's man juice
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
