i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
