I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
