he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
