Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think my moral compass just broke
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