I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
