was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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