Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
