My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
