The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
