We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
