True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
