On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
