ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
