Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
