Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
