Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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