I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
