stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
