FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
