apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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