I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
