Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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