i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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