ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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