The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
