is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
