is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
