3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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