Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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