Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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