he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
