My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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