He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
