What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This is my gift to your gina
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
