I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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