i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
