just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
