I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
