I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
