I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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