she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
