i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
