Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
