Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dick very happy bro
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
