he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
