is your mom at the bar?
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
