I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
